Thursday, 19 June 2014 00:00
After the latest school shooting—one that claimed the life of an Oregon teen—it was revealed an Oklahoma-based company is marketing the “Bodyguard Blanket,” a foldable, bright-orange pad that can be strapped onto a child’s chest or back. The product promises to protect against “90 percent of all weapons that have been used in school shootings in the United States.”
The Bodyguard Blanket is not a post-apocalyptic sci-fi fantasy, it is real life. Let this soak in: We now live in a country where school shootings are so routine that businesses see them as an opportunity to fill a niche and make some money. Ever industrious, America seems more prepared to flex its capitalistic muscle than figure out how to stop these mass murders.
The Washington Post reports there have been 74 school shootings since the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary. Each shooting sparks the same tired political rhetoric, talk without action.
So, in the spirit of capitalism, we propose a product designed to stifle these senseless killings of children, the “Common Sense Comforter.” It’s free to produce and will immediately render all politicians obsolete. Unfortunately, it’s impossible to get the necessary permits.