Written by David Golbert Friday, 30 December 2011 00:00
Like anyone else with half a brain, I miss the good old days. Holiday time brings that out in me; I slip seamlessly from an adult male 63 years old to an adult male 10 years old. It’s so easily done, that both of us—the 63 year old and the 10 year old—look the same to the casual observer.
I suspect, like many of you, all the frenzied shopping, that infects America each December like a bad case of the flu, makes me want to lock myself in the bathroom and not come out until January heralds a return to sanity.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I will share with you my secret to successful and painless holiday shopping: “Waldbaums.” I went there a week ago and in 25 minutes, including check out, I bought Gail seven gifts for Hanukkah. We tell each other “it’s the thought that counts,” so without breaking the bank—I only spent $23.20—I purchased for my better half a sampling of her favorite foods. Items I might add that she seldom buys for herself.
So, here’s the list of treasures I got her: broccoli crowns, asparagus, 2 yellow squash, an avocado, a lemon, a small package of brie cheese, a package of premium mixed (dried) fruit, and a box of Earl Grey tea. I know what you’re thinking—how can any woman be this lucky? It’s what I ask Gail all the time.
Gail is much more sensible about Hanukkah than I. Through the course of the year, whenever I need underwear or socks or dress shirts, she buys them for me and then announces, “This is for Hanukkah.” And I’m fine with that. Think of all the money we save on wrapping paper.
Some of my dear readers may have noticed that I only got Gail seven gifts, although Hanukkah is eight nights. I actually bought gift number eight on line: a powder blue tee shirt with the logo: World’s Greatest Corrections Officer. It’s her unofficial title we inmates adopted years ago.
I’ve always believed that if you’re happy with what you’ve got, presents are unnecessary. As I told Gail recently, “All I need is the love of a good woman.”
“Let me know when you find one,” she replied.