Anton Community Newspapers  •  132 East 2nd Street  •  Mineola, NY 11501  •  Phone: 516-747-8282  •  FAX: 516-742-5867
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Letter: Bizarro Plainviews Are Out There

Although I’ve lived in Plainview for 40 years, I’m still not sure if that makes me  a “Plainviewer,” “Plainviewite,” “Plainviewian,” or some other appellation.  

While I love living in Plainview, I know there are many Plainviewtonians who strongly object to the sky-high property taxes we have to pay for our plots of land and our homes; as well as plenty of parents who are very unhappy with all the Common Core standardized testing going on in our otherwise fine schools. So that’s why I decided to conduct a “search” to see if there are any other “Plainviews” in the U.S. — in case any of them might be “better” places to live than our Plainview.   

I found four other cities named “Plainview.” The one closest in size to our population of approximately 26,000 people is Plainview, Texas (south of Amarillo and north of Lubbock), with a population of around 22,000. Next in size is  Plainview, Minnesota (southeast of Minneapolis-St. Paul), with a population of about 3,000. Then comes Plainview, Nebraska (northwest of Lincoln and Omaha), with a population of about 1,300. Last, but not least, is Plainview, Arkansas (northwest of Little Rock), with a population of about 700.  

The odds are that taxes are much lower in all four of these “alternate universe” Plainviews; and it’s unlikely that their public libraries are as wonderul as ours (Okay, I’ll admit that some of the credit belongs to Old Bethpage).  The 3 much smaller Plainviews (in MN, NE, & AR) probably have fewer restaurants, shopping centers, movie theaters, doctors, etc. to choose from. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t have an overall “better” and less stressful way of life, with higher levels of satisfaction and contentment. Who knows?

No one does; at least not unless and until Anton Community Newspapers’ Plainview-Old Bethpage Herald sends me and my wife on all-expenses-paid “scouting trips” to all four of our Plainview “sister cities.”   

Once there, I would report back to my 26,000 Plainview, New York “neighbors” about the similarities and differences between our respective communities. I could advise you as to whether or not you should put your house on the market and hire a moving company. Short of that, I could facilitate cultural, educational and business exchanges — which could encourage trade and tourism and foster friendships and understanding. I could arrange sleepovers and short-term mini-vacation house exchanges. If desired, I could set up “embassies” in all four Plainviews, and act as our “Ambassador.”   

Of course, not being a professional politician or governmental office holder, I would promise not to eat in their most expensive restaurants, or stay in their most luxurious hotels or rent any car fancier than a Honda Accord. I would not embezzle any money and would provide the Plainview-Old Bethpage Herald a strict accounting of all moneys spent.  

I am at your service, and your wish is my command.

Richard Siegelman