The following is based on the actual experiences of Stan and Lorraine Greenberg.

[Stan and Lorraine are in the car.]

Stan: What, and where, do you want to eat?

Lorraine: I don't know...I'm tired of Italian food, Indian food is too spicy, kosher delis have too much cholesterol...I know! Let's go to the diner. I can get fish or chicken, my two favorites. How about the diner on Northern Boulevard? They serve good food and they give you huge portions.

Stan: Whatever you say! But remember, when I make a suggestion and it falls flat, you complain for days.

[Entering the diner.]

Lorraine: I don't like this table. Too much tumult...I don't like this table either. The air conditioner is blowing directly on me. I don't want to catch a cold.

Stan: I'll repeat my favorite line ¬ Whatever you say! When you find a table you deem acceptable, I'll happily join you.

[She sits down.]

This is it.

Stan [joining her]: Eureka! We have found success. I was getting tired just standing there. You know, Jackie Mason does a whole routine on finding a table.

[Old waiter approaches the table.]

Waiter: Here are your menus...the ice water...the bread...the celery...the radishes...and the carrots.

Stan: I wonder if he would be insulted if we just ate the vegetables and bread, drank the ice water, and left. I'm sure it would be healthy and very filling.

Lorraine [to waiter] I would like the chicken souvlaki, without the french fries. And I'd like iced tea, with out any ice.

Stan: You might as well order it without the tea too. Anyway, I'll also have the chicken gyro, with french fries. And please bring me a Coke with a slice of lemon.

Lorraine: You have no consideration. Since you had your angioplasty, I have to eat your french fries to save your life. You're killing me on purpose!

Stan: Thank you for sacrificing your health for me. Greater love hath no spouse.

[Old waiter approaches table with two large dishes. He places a dish before Lorraine, who happily squeals.]

Lorraine: It's perfect, just what I was in the mood for!

[Waiter attempts to place dish in front of Stan and in doing so knocks the soda into his lap.]

Waiter: Oh! Excuse me! I'm so sorry. I feel terrible.

[The busboy and waiter begin drying the table and Stan with napkins.]

Stan: It's okay. Don't worry, I'll survive. It's only Coke.

Waiter [obviously upset]: This has never happened before. I feel terrible. I've been waiting tables for 45 years, and this is the first time I've spilled something on a customer. I'm so ashamed of myself. I'll go get some cloth napkins from the kitchen. I'll be right back.

Stan: I'm soaked and I have to calm him down, and make him feel better. He seems really disturbed by the incident. Look, he's shaken and frustrated.

Lorraine: Don't say anything that sounds like blame to him. I don't think he can handle it.

Stan: This Coke is sticky and kind of unpleasant, with my pants sticking to me, but I'm more worried about the waiter.

[Waiter comes to table, perturbed.]

Stan: Don't worry about it. It happens all the time. It wasn't your fault. It was probably my fault. Just bring me the check. It's okay. Don't feel bad. Just subtract three dollars for the cleaning bill on my pants. That should do it."

Waiter: [whispering] Okay, and I won't charge you for the iced tea either.

Lorraine: [whispered aside to Stan] Give him a bigger tip than 15 percent. He'll feel better about himself.

[Waiter turns away.]

Stan: I don't understand. I get drowned and I spend the whole time making the old waiter feel better...Nice old guy. I hope he recovers from this trauma. I still have Coke in my shoes.

[Waiter returns. Stan puts his arm around him.] Don't worry. It's nothing!

[Stan and Lorraine leave the diner.]

Lorraine: We both did a good humanitarian deed. I love this diner!