The suburbs are too quiet!

I state this unequivocally as a person who lived his first 27 years in the Bronx over a candy store. The noises I was used to just weren't present in my unattached house. Crickets and wind rustling through the trees is no replacement for city noise.

To combat this terrible silence I have turned to the radio. (Remember the radio) I have perfected the ability to tune the AM dial and coordinate the sound in the dark, without any light and without waking up the person next to me in my king-sized bed. (Lorraine) Initially it was difficult, but eventually she got used to this insanity.

The programs aren't always to my liking but it is a human sound. Sport programs on WFAN.660 Art Bell and his weirdos on WABC 770. All night news repeating itself every 22 minutes on WCBS 880 or WINS 1010 on your dial.

If you are deft and have agile finger tips you can get a decent night's entertainment while dozing in and out of sleep. There are advantages to listening to the radio while you sleep. Let me enumerate.

You are the first to be aware of any news flashes that have occurred while the rest of the world slept. In 1968 I was shocked to learn of Robert Kennedy's assassination in Los Angeles, in the middle of the night.

In October 1973 I learned of the start of the Yom Kippur War in the middle of the night. When I went to the synagogue the next morning the rabbi and most congregants were not aware of the Egyptian attack on Israel. This was because more observant and less neurotic Jews were sound asleep.

The sounds emanating from the candy store were noises from a different era. New York had three baseball teams then. The biggest and loudest argument was always, "Who was the best center fielder? Was it Mickey, Willie or the Duke?"

Being a Dodger fan in the Bronx was not easy, but I would still vote for the Duke.

I love the beauty and nature of the suburbs but even after 40 years I can't get used to the sounds of silence.