Jean Valjean, the protagonist of Victor Hugo's epic drama, Les Miserables, spent almost his entire life running from the law, only taking a short break to start a French Revolution. While he went on to play to packed Broadway houses and received multiple Tony awards, what did Jean do to deserve a life on the lam? He stole a loaf of bread.

The moral of Hugo's story is obvious: Bread is bad. Had Jean listened to Dr. Atkins and pilfered some French paté instead of a soon-to-be rock-hard baguette, he would have been saved from both the French police and Andrew Lloyd Weber. Nevertheless, can 50 million Frenchmen and the New York drama critics both be wrong?

No, it seems they cannot, and neither can the throngs of bread-bashers currently trying to cut carbs from their diets due to the recent resurgence of the Atkins diet. The Atkins diet, which frowns upon carbohydrates, like bread, in one's daily diet, in favor of proteins, like sides of beef, is back in vogue around town. You can hear it in neighborhood diners where brunchers are bidding their waitresses to "Just hold the toast." You can see it in the top-rated Zagat's restaurants where the New York sophisticates are waving off the approaches of hovering busboys bearing freshly warmed dinner rolls. You can feel it at the butcher's counter at the supermarket where carb-starved American carnivores are doubling their orders.

In religious terms, it's like Passover is busting out all over.

In economic terms, short wheat futures and go long pork bellies.

In medical terms, "No sir, the cardiologist is booked up until mid-2004, or until the grapefruit diet comes back. Whichever comes sooner."

In Irish terms, it's time to make a date with Miss Angie O'Plasty.

OK. I'll stop with the jokes, but in no uncertain terms, the renewed popularity of the Atkins Diet seriously troubles me and should be equally as disconcerting for all Americans. Forget all the talk about the United States being an oil-based economy. We are a bread-based economy and any shock to the bread supply in America will have deleterious effects the world over.

We are a bread-based economy because millions of working American citizens, just like you and I, are physically unable to start our day at the office, factory or quarry without digesting our morning bagel, doughnut, or muffin. Atkins diet or not, the lines that form outside a bagel kiosk on a Manhattan Monday morning are far deeper and fiercer than any that appeared at gas stations during the oil embargo of the 1970s. From the Dunkin' Donuts of Boston, to the bagel kiosks of Manhattan, to the Starbucks of Seattle, this land is made for you and me and bread.

The globalists among us might point to the Japanese staple of rice as a possible bread substitute, or even using lettuce, as the Koreans do, to wrap sandwiches in lieu of a freshly baked loaf. Nevertheless, while these Asian tigers are thriving on their respective bread equivalents, I have a difficult time believing Americans could survive on rice and lettuce as popover proxies. For one thing, if I am going to start my day with a handful of rice, I better be headed to a wedding. For a second thing, a pastrami sandwich with mustard on two slices of lettuce is far more difficult to transport to the factory in your lunchbox than your average hoagie, sub, grinder, wedge, or hero. Thus, not only is the morning shot, but there is a strong chance that lunch is blown as well. Work? Forget about it!

With these thoughts in mind, I appeal to the American public to contact their local representatives or congressmen, and vote to curb the Atkins Diet before it jeopardizes our economic security. The French need their toast, the English their muffins, the Belgians their waffles, the Danish themselves, and the Americans their daily bread. Literally and figuratively! We just cannot afford another French Revolution on Broadway, can we?